Originally printed in The Daily Targum, November 23, 1993

Thanksgiving: A Time For Beer

On this day before Thanksgiving break begins, I think that a serious and socially relevant topic would be so incredibly boring that even the most die-hard campus geek (me) wouldn't want to read it. So today, I want to remember what Thanksgiving is supposed to be all about, and give thanks to those who have made this year, as well as my four years in college, interesting and fun. (And sometimes even serious and socially relevant.)

I'd like to thank all the professors I've had over the last four years. I'd like to thank the boring ones for allowing me to catch up on my sleep. I'd like to thank the sadistic ones for giving me a million pages a week to read, as if I was only enrolled in that one class. I'd like to thank the whiny ones, who took every possible opportunity to use the classroom to complain about how minorities and women are badly treated in our society. (Jason: 'I agree. Now, what's that derivative and integral thing again?') And of course, I'd like to thank all the professors who gave me back papers graded with a 'B,' and were absolutely incapable of telling me what would make it an 'A' paper:

Next, I'd like to thank the students who have made my time at Rutgers, in the words of Radiohead, so 'very' special. Thanks to the guys who were always very drunk and very loud the night before my exam, and vomited in the bathrooms just when I needed to use them. Thanks to the frat boy who tried to start a fight with me that one night two years ago on Union Street because I 'looked at him funny.' (He swung, missed, and fell over in a drunken heap. I laughed. A lot.) Thanks to the 'friend' sitting next to me in class who asked 'Whaddya get? Whaddya get?' every time we got an exam back, and he got an 'A.' And, of course, thanks to all the students who actually made my classes challenging and interesting by participating intelligently in class. I can count you on one hand.

Now, I'd like to thank a very special portion of Rutgers--the administration. Thanks to the old administration for making me wait in four-hour-long add-drop lines. Thanks to the 'new' administration for giving me a tough tone registration system, whereupon I can enroll in nothing anyway, and if I press a wrong button, I'm enrolled in Differential Equations instead of Shakespeare. This really happened. I would like to thank the Student Activities Center for creating way too many rules, following the rules randomly, and then blaming me for things that aren't my fault. I thank Administrative 'Services' for charging me three bucks for a copy of my own transcript. I want to thank Dining 'Services' for leaving out my meal plan on this year's term bill, and then sending it to me on August 3, with a note saying that 'All changes must be made in person by August 1.' I then tried to ask them if I could fax them a correction from work. I had to explain what 'fax' meant!

Hello? Is it me?

I'd like to extend a very real thanks to my mom, mostly for not calling very much, sending me money often, and for not making surprise visits on Saturday mornings when the whole dorm decided to sleep in my room, and I was nursing a hangover.

I d like to thank student government for basically making my four years at college an R-rated movie. The DCGA provided the gratuitous nudity with the shirtless protest. The LCGA provided the gratuitous violence with the clash between CARE (an anagram for LCGA) and the police. And the RCGA provided the sobering adult issues, like Class of 1996 Representative Mr. X dealing with the very real and serious issues involved in being arrested for pissing in public on College Avenue, and not having any soap handy to wash his hands. Oh, and they passed a resolution condemning something. Or supporting something. I forget which.

Finally, I would like to thank the person who, three years ago, found my wallet and returned it, complete with cash, credit cards, bank cards, meal card, and ID card. I suppose there are some things at Rutgers to be thankful for, and sometimes, I'm even thankful for some of the people here.

It would probably take me more than one hand to count them.

Jason Gottlieb is a Rutgers College senior who would like to thank the Academy, his director, his writer, and your mom.

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