Carrots, Again?
For me, it was carrots. Carrots were right up
there at the top of the list. Close behind were turnips, and then
came liver ... and then peas ... squishy green peas ... I don't think
there were a lot more foods on my 'hate' list, but these four
certainly came around often enough to cause plenty of
heartache.
Looking back now, I can't imagine what all the
fuss was about, but at the time the dislikes were certainly real
enough. I knew that if I put that fork full of carrots in my mouth
... chewed until the 'carrotness' filled all my senses ... and then
swallowed ... I knew it would come straight back up again! It was an
absolutely physical dislike. My body and carrots just were not made
for each other. But of course, in my mother's eyes, the situation was
just as clear-cut; I was simply being obstinate.
How does that song go ... "You can't have your
pudding if you don't eat your meat!"? How many times did my brother
and I play in that scene at the dinner table! I don't mean to imply
that my mother was some kind of heartless monster. She was just
behaving as her particular cultural upbringing dictated; kids did
what they were told. Parental authority was absolute. Any conflict on
such matters as food dislikes could have only one possible resolution
... No matter how long it might take ... that plate had to be
emptied.
I wasn't laughing at the time, but I can certainly
laugh now at some of the memories: of hiding peas one by one atop the
wooden support bars under the table top (where I suppose she found
them later, as I am sure we would never remember to come back at a
safe moment to hide the 'evidence'); of taking a mouth full of the
hated food and then trying to be 'excused' to the bathroom where it
could be disposed of quietly (although this strategy could only be
used once in any particular meal ...); or resorting to the 'tiny
slice of liver washed down by a large gulp of the drink' technique
...
Talking with her recently about those days, she
told me of one evening when all these strategies had failed to clear
my brother's plate, and the stand-off between two stubborn people
only came to an end when his head dipped to the tabletop in sleep
...
But now, one generation later, with me taking the
'mother's' part in this age old family drama, has the script changed?
I am sure you can guess. It has now become easy for me to see clearly
exactly what the problem really is: selfish, ungrateful, inconsistent
children! I'm not going to make you laugh by trotting out that old
chestnut "I've been slaving over a hot stove all day ...", because
that doesn't exactly describe what I do to prepare our meals, but it
certainly is frustrating to find that foods that were perfectly
acceptable last week, are rejected today by my daughters. My
childhood dislikes were at least consistent, weren't they? I always
hated carrots ... and liver ... and ... But my two girls seem to
change from day to day. So although I thought that I had a good
solution to this problem ... just avoid serving food they don't like
... it has turned out to be not so simple.
Nutrition, I think, is not really much of a factor
here. The variety of foods they do eat is certainly wide enough to
supply their bodies with the necessary 'ingredients' for normal
growth. It is that I am torn between two conflicting desires; to
avoid conflict in our home, and yet not to bring up 'spoiled' selfish
children, who simply take what they want from life, and leave the
rest ... So, how are we making out? Do my kids hide peas under the
table top? No, I have to admit that they don't have to do things like
that. One way I avoid the problem is by serving all food in the
centre of the table rather than loading up the plates in the kitchen.
Each person only takes what they want. Fumi-chan is currently
avoiding all contact with onions, and Himi-chan with minced meat.
Although I suppose my mother thinks that my kids are 'getting away
with murder', I don't insist that they eat everything I cook. If
there is a lot left over, into the fridge it goes, to make another
appearance later. Of course, they don't eat it then either, but I
like my cooking, so it doesn't get wasted!
Am I making a mistake by not 'training' my kids to
do things they don't like? Maybe. Will they have a lack of ability to
'bite the bullet' when it is necessary, later in life? I don't know.
I really have no way to answer those questions. Perhaps my decision
to 'take the easy road' now will hurt them later. But somehow, I just
can't see the dinner table as a suitable place for such training. For
me it is more important to try and have a peaceful time together, and
to try and avoid conflict wherever possible. I am sure that there
will be many other 'opportunities' for us to fight with each other
during their teen years.
Besides, I'm just too amazed at watching them
shovel all those carrots into their mouths!