Another Bulletin from the Australian Olympics
The following announcements were all heard and reported by visitors to the state transit authority website.
Heard at Central Station: The train at platform sixteen is not going to North Sydney but to Circular Quay. The train approaching platform fifteen is also not going to North Sydney, its going to City Circle.
These trains are not going to North Sydney despite what the signal men think.
On Redfern Station: Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity, failing that, give it to me.
On Town Hall Station: To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of stand clear of the doors don't you understand?
At Wynyard station (where a train was stationary despite a green light): Sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen but there is a queue of trains ahead of us so I have decided to wait here, because I'm sure you don't want to sit in a tunnel getting hot and sweaty.
Central again: next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open; before trying to get on the train.
At King's Cross: This train is completely broken, it isn't going; anywhere.
On the Merrylands line: This is Granville, err, no, it's Merrylands! This is like that TV advert, I hope the person next; to you is wearing a good deodorant! Have a very relaxing weekend. Hope to see you all again Monday Morning!
At Town Hall station (on a crowded Friday afternoon): Please let the passengers off the train first... Please let the passengers off the train first...Please let the passengers off the train first... Let the passengers off the train FIRST!... Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home.
On the Illawarra line; (after a 20-minute delay): I apologise for the delay but the computer controlling the signalling at Sutherland and Hurstville has the Monday Morning Blues.
At Kogarah: he can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.
At Campbelltown: Hello this is xxx speaking, I am the captain of your; train, and we will be departing shortly, we will be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Central is 3:15pm. The temperature in Central is approximately 15 degrees Celsius, and Central is in the same time zone as Campbelltown, so there't no need to adjust your watches.
October 14, 2002